is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
