I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
