you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
