i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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