See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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