I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
