what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
