I wanna passion pit in your ass
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
