so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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