brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
