Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
