He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
