Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
