That's intense
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
