I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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