Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
