i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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