I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
