ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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