If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
