And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
