your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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