yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
