I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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