We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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