some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
