if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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