Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
