Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize