I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
