You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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