No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
