3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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