Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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