at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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