their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
