note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just invented taco cereal.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
