some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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