Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
