My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
