My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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