Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
