He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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