I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
