Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
