Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
