Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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