I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
