The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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