fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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