I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
