and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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