my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
