just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
