Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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