Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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