im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
