this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry about my life...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.