WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
