My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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