in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
