i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
