Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
