I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
