Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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