Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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