Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
