Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
