The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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