I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
