Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
