It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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