Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
