I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
