I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize