I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
