there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
