You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
