He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
