well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
