we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
