we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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