i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
